Why don’t you hear me?

Individuals come into relationships with different points of view and different values. And no matter how much the two of you might have in common, in some things, you won’t see eye to eye.

It’s not a matter of simply compromising, because the asking partner doesn’t really know what the compromising partner is feeling.

Consider this:

• The problem looks simple and forgivable — you merely forgot to pay a credit card bill, and the company called for payment.
• Your partner got the call and was shocked and embarrassed.
• You know your partner’s childhood was plagued by money issues.
• What you don’t know is that when your partner got that call, all they could feel was how they felt at 12 years old, when their family got forcibly evicted from their home.

You don’t understand why this is such a big deal because you don’t know you triggered an intolerably painful memory and your partner doesn’t understand why you see an overreaction, because they believe they’ve explained how bad the money problems were.

Understanding your differences can be the key to coming together

Building a life together requires communication and compromise, but it also requires being vulnerable with your partner and being compassionate when they are vulnerable. Sometimes the differences between partners can’t be simply solved; they must be discussed to understand why it’s so important and why it carries so much weight.